I Go Out Tonight
I go out tonight
with nothing on my mind,
no purpose
to be acknowledged,
and the only thing I feel
are the tickets in my pockets
from shows we saw together—
I’ve had them forever,
and as I walk
downtown with my friends
my tongue goes sprawling,
like the night,
tasting things that
I don’t ever want to remember.
Like the building on 5th Street that’s crumbling,
or the lovers on Broadway that are fumbling
through their first time—
so blissful that it makes me nervous
(too many ways for it all to go wrong).
And as I stumble into my car and drive
past memories and pain
I think about you,
distant and relaxed,
as I tell you I’m leaving.
I can still feel you breathing
and how it never changed
And all I can think is
damn me for throwing you away.
- Kristen A. Kutz
