He Was Smiling When I Died
If he would have made a flipper or a point to pierce the sea
I would stop this futile flapping, dive into the deep
I will have no cushioned landing; the water is made of rocks
So I call upon his name for help and find him there lamenting
Already mourning death, he does not fly to catch me
He looks at me with plotting eyes and lays his wings to rest
But at least I got to heaven
For a moment, touched an angel’s breast
Penetrated the virgin clouds and if that has caused my death
Then bring on the solid sea and let me smash against it
Let me splatter and be no more, there is no more this world can offer
But the ultimate explosion after the ultimate climax
No, I will not brace myself before the water wall
The height has been surmounted; I will take the tragic fall
Oh Father, you do not mourn me, I will be with you so soon
On the other side of the ocean, where you breathe the breath of death
If you are not living, you must be dying and there is no reason in life to rest
Father you have killed me, but first you gave me life
I love you now for dying
For those wings you built to melt
For knowing I would fly just high enough
To smile in death’s delight
- Laura Ann Tranmontana
